Question

It is taught that there is a Way of Heaven, a Way of Earth, and a Way of man. This last is the way ordained by nature from which it is always unwise and often perilous to depart. As to the present time, the gulf between nature's way for man and man's way for himself is now widening so rapidly that our very environment is threatened with destruction!

- Taoism: The Road to Immortality 

Dear readers,

Is there such a thing as "human nature?" If so, what do you think it entails?

Are we naturally greedy, ignorant, and tribal? Generous, social, and compassionate? A mix of both? Something else entirely?

Or is human nature a myth? Is there simply too much biological and cultural diversity to allow for the existence of a universal human nature?

I'm genuinely curious to hear your thoughts on this, friends.

Living in accordance with nature is a central theme in both Stoicism and Taoism, two philosophies that influence and inform many aspects of my life.

Living in accordance with nature doesn't simply mean we should strive to be in harmony with the environment: it also means living in accordance with our personal nature--the unique combination of biological and psychological traits that make up our person--and with human nature.

Which is why I'm here asking you this question: what is human nature?

What is uniquely ours as a species? What are the defining or quintessential human traits?

Furthermore, what do you think happens when we ignore our nature or actively contradict it?

Do you agree with the quote above? Do you think that the disturbing times in which we live (growing unrest, climate change, political and industrial corruption) are a direct result of the widening gulf between how nature intended us to live and how we have decided to live ourselves?

Or am I just grasping for something that isn't there?

Comments are welcomed, encouraged, and greatly appreciated on Facebook, Google +, or Twitter.

Looking forward to your insights!

Moist regards,

Oscar

Glorious Day!

It's official.

Americans can now legally marry whoever they want regardless of genre or sexual orientation.

Wow.

When put in such straight-forward terms it's hard to see what the big fuss was about in the first place.

It's not like members of the LGBT community were fighting to ban straight marriage. It's not like they were trying to force straight people to "go gay" or anything. All they wanted was the right to marry the people they love.

Again, what's the big deal?

Oh right, I know. Your invisible Sky-Father told a bronze-age shepherd long long ago that homosexuality is a sin.

But I'm still confused. What do your beliefs have to do with people who don't share them?

You're free to believe what you want. I might not agree with your beliefs but it's your right and if anyone tries to take that from you I'll stand by your side.

That's what this freedom thing is all about: I do what I want, you do what you want, and as long as we're not hurting each other or destroying each other's property we say "live and let live."

It's a two-way street though. Either everyone is free or else it isn't really freedom, now is it?

In this context the Supreme Court's ruling isn't a win for gays and lesbians nor is it a loss for "Christians:" it's a victory for everyone who believes in freedom and equality for all.

I'm trying really hard not to think about the four Supreme Court judges who voted against marriage equality. I'm purposely avoiding articles about their reasons for opposing it. I suspect their words would spoil my fantastic mood.

Plus there's nothing they could possibly say that would make me reconsider my stance. There's no good reason to oppose marriage equality--not objectively speaking, anyway.

You might have a hundred personal reasons that are good to you but set before the facts those reasons lose all credibility.

I know I've said this before but it's worth repeating here: If you believe in your heart that something is wrong then don't do it. That's all you can do.

If you believe homosexuality is sinful, despicable, or abominable, then don't be gay. Why are you sticking your nose in other people's business? Who made you God's enforcer? Do you actually think He needs enforcers? Didn't he create like, everything?

You silly fucktard.

The problem, like always, is that piece-of-shit Ego of yours. It's telling you that your outdated and irrational beliefs are THE TRUTH and by accepting this sweet lie you're putting yourself at odds with anyone who disagrees.

And if you truly believe yours is THE ONE AND ONLY WAY as you claim then you should feel no fear, anger, or anxiety over what everyone else is doing with their lives.

You know you're right, don't you? So worry about yourself and what you're doing and leave the judging and harassing to your invisible Sky-Father, wherever he is.

In fact I'm pretty sure Jesus says the exact same thing on a number of occasions but then you wouldn't know about that, now would you? You only claim to be a "Christian." Open the book once in a while!

Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.

Wait, wait: how about James?

There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?

Hypocrites and haters act out of insecurity. The only way they can feel good is to make others feel bad.

Well today the joke's on them. Today love, reason, and compassion win.

And boy does it feel good!

Happy Arbitrary Special Day, Fathers!

Father's day. Mother's day. Grand parents' day. Uncle's day. Auntie's day. Distant relative day.

When does it end? When will people stop making up "special days?"

I know, I know: I'm always whining and complaining about this kind of stuff.

First it's Christmas. 

Then it's birthdays (well actually, my birthday).

Now here I am shitting on Father's Day.

Only I'm not. I get why Father's Day exists, and it's the same reason Mother's Day exists.

Ideally speaking fathers and mothers should feel special, respected, and appreciated 365 days a year.

Unfortunately that's not how things play out. Some people need these "special days" because that's the only time they get recognized or treated special.

Not to brag but every day is Father's Day for me.

Every morning I wake up feeling blessed, not only because I'm, you know, alive and relatively healthy but also because I had the privilege to help bring life into the world, and now I get to help shape and guide that life to the point of maturity and independence.

I never feel like my family takes me for granted. I never feel undervalued or unappreciated. If anything I feel like maybe my wife overvalues me, like I can't possibly be all the things she thinks I am.

But I digress.

In the past my wife has tried to coax gift suggestions out of me in the weeks leading up to Father's Day. When that didn't work she abandoned tact and started asking me point-blank: "What do you want for Father's Day?"

My response has always been, "Nothing. I have everything I need."

This year, my wife decided to take a different approach.

Actually this new approach of hers started with Mother's Day.

My poor wife, bless her heart, she knows I'm not into these arbitrary "special days" so instead of waiting on me to do something nice for her this Mother's Day she took matters into her own hands.

She told me what was going down.

"In the morning we're going to the beach; then we're having lunch with so-and-so; then I'm taking K-money (our oldest) to Cirque du Soleil while you watch Lil' E (our youngest). Then we're having this meal for dinner and after the girls are in bed we're watching Supernatural."

And I was like, "YES MA'AM!"

I love it when she takes charge.

That night, after the girls were in bed and before we settled to binge-watch the adventures of Sam and Dean, we stood in the kitchen talking. I asked whether she had enjoyed her Mother's Day even though I hadn't given her a card, or flowers, or presents.

Her reply caught me off-guard. She said, "I had a great day and I don't care that you didn't get me anything."

"Oh no?"

"No. That's not what Mother's Day is about to me."

Intrigued, I pressed further. I had to know. "What is it about then?"

She paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts. Then she said, "You know, every day I'm a mother first and person second. I put our family first and only take care of me if there's any time left. Don't get me wrong: I love being a mother. It's what I was born to do and I wouldn't change a thing.

"But when Mother's Day rolls around, I don't want a card, or flowers, or gifts: I want a day where I put myself first and do whatever I want to do. I want a day where being a mother takes a backseat to being a person. And I don't want anything from you other than your help in making that happen."

And there's the other reason I wake up feeling blessed every morning: my beautiful, wise, and insightful wife.

It makes perfect sense to me now. Mother's/Father's Day is the one day where being a parent comes second and being a person comes first. It means you get to set your usual responsibilities aside and do what you want to do.

What a simple and wonderful concept!

So today I spent my morning visiting a local UU church, my afternoon working on my book, and now I'm writing this post while snuggling Lil' E as she watches "The Wheels on the Bus."

Best. Father's Day. Ever.

I hope all you other daddies out there had an awesome day.

Happy arbitrary special day, fathers!

Trump 2016

Donald Trump, leader of the free world.

Has a nice ring to it.

If you're insane.

Should make for some good entertainment while it lasts though!

He should have to pick another reality TV star to run as his vice president.

So many to choose from! Who should he go with?

Verne Troyer?

A Kardashian?

Flavor Flav?

Vice President Flav?

No, wait, I got it: Phil Robertson. Trump might attract the business types but he's lacking fundamentalist appeal. Mr. Duck Dynasty ought to help with that.

Did you watch Trump's speech where he announced he was running? Worth watching if you're into train wrecks.

Dude spent more time rambling about how much money he's got ("I just sold an apartment for $15 million...") and slamming Mexicans ("When Mexico sends its people [...] they’re sending people that have lots of problems...") than talking about, you know, stuff that makes sense.

I take back what I said about politicians speaking from the heart and being authentic. Trump, at least, should stick to the script.

Jon Stewart summed the president-hopeful nicely:

Trump is the part of your brain that's like at 3 am going, 'Let's go take a shit in a mailbox. Come on, who's going to know?' 

The worst part is that all of Trump's talk about how rich he is could've been a selling point. In an age where lobbyists and industries regularly bribe politicians, having an independently wealthy president should appeal to people. Trump even mentions this at one point:

I don’t need anybody’s money. I’m using my own money. I’m not using the lobbyists. I’m not using donors. I don’t care. 

But his delivery was just so terrible I think everyone missed the point. Not that it matters. What good is an incorruptible president if he's a delusional egomaniac?

Now here's where things get interesting. Imagine that hell freezes over and Trump makes it to the top of the Republican trash heap. And imagine that pigs start flying all of a sudden and Bernie Sanders gets the nod from his fellow Democrats.

Everyone is expecting Bush - Clinton 2016 but I'd rather see Trump - Sanders, the ultimate showdown between capitalism and socialism.

The Right to Complain

"You have to vote."

For years I was told this by friends, colleagues, and family members. And whenever I pressed for more, whenever I asked why I had to vote, I was always provided with the same explanation.

"Well if you don't vote, you have no right to complain about the government."

Seriously? That's your reason? You vote just so you have the right to complain?

What a load of bullshit. What a stupid goddamn explanation. I don't get angry much these days but remembering how this line was delivered to me time and time again by otherwise intelligent, fully earnest and well-meaning individuals makes my blood boil.

First off, I can do what I want when I want how I want.

If I want to complain about the color and texture of sand, or the taste of paprika, or the government, I will. I don't need a permission slip; I don't have to vote first: all I have to do is will myself to complain and voila! the complaints come pouring out of my mouth.

I'm sure some people are like "But how did he complain if he didn't vote? I thought you had to vote in order to complain. He must be a wizard or a warlock or something."

It's not magic, people. Anyone can complain about anything. The whole "don't vote; don't complain" thing is a false equivalence. You're trying to connect two things that aren't related at all.

Listen: maybe I didn't vote before because I could tell how shitty the political system is and how little our votes matter.

Trust me: I brought this up before but all I got back was "Urrrhhh. well then don't complain."

I'm 32 and I've yet to vote in a federal election. Am I proud of this? No. In fact I'd be ashamed if I relied on the past for present-day validation.

But I don't. As you all probably know by now, I give zero fucks about the past.

I know I was wrong to abstain from voting for the last 14 years but being ashamed or regretful isn't going to change a damn thing.

I'm aware of my mistake and I learned my lesson. Now I can move on with a clear conscience.

Come October, I will vote.

No, I don't think my vote is worth much of anything. And no, I don't like any of the political parties playing for seats.

I still think the system is broken and doesn't accurately represent the masses.

I think we have the illusion of choice and no real choice at all.

So why am I voting now after so many years of abstinence?

Because I discovered a few intelligent answers to my question. Here's a good reason to vote:

Or how about this: When you skip voting it's not rebellion: it's surrender.

Basically any reason other than "If you don't vote you can't complain" will do.

Seriously, that's the worst possible argument conceivable. Not only does it make no sense at all, it's also a masterful piece of reverse psychology.

If I tell you you're not allowed to do something, what's your immediate knee-jerk reaction?

"You can't tell me what to do, buddy!"

Or better yet: "I'm not allowed? Watch me."

"Oh I have to vote in order to complain? Watch me abstain from voting and complain louder than the next guy." 

And if that's actually your reason for voting--so you can complain about the government--doesn't that sort of illustrate my point? Isn't that symptomatic of a broken system? 

Shouldn't your reason for voting be something like "So I can elect the best candidate to represent me?" 

Just some food for thought. 

Little Things

Why is happiness so damn hard to find?

I mean, we're all looking for it aren't we? So why aren't more people, you know, happy?

I have a few theories on the matter.

For instance, I think happiness is an inner state of being, not something to be found in the external world.

You won't find it in the trunk of your new car. It isn't sitting at the swim-up bar at your all-inclusive resort.

And no, it isn't stashed in the attic of your dream house, either.

Happiness resides in your perspective, in how you look at things rather than in things themselves.

You can keep hustling, saving money, working hard, and looking to the future for relief, but when that relief finally comes it'll be fleeting at best. And when it's gone, you'll find yourself back on the hedonic treadmill.

You've always been the source of your own happiness. External things might amplify or dampen the happiness that already exists inside you but they can't conjure happiness out of thin air.

So how can we adopt the right perspective? How can change our inner state of being and become truly happy?

One way is to take pleasure in the little things.

The big things--major purchases, promotions, vacations, and the like--are far and few between, and because we anticipate them so eagerly they rarely live up to our expectations.

Little things, on the other hand, are always present in abundance. And when you learn to look at them from the right angle they become a source of joy, wonder, and satisfaction.

The angle I'm talking about is here right now. From here right now symbols and words dissolve and give way to the reality behind them. Mundane, boring, and seemingly unimportant things assume a new appearance.

Take a tree, for example. Once identified by the senses and labelled by the mind it's quickly dismissed as "a tree." But the reality behind the noun--this intricate pattern of leaves, branches, bark, and roots infused with nature's own intellect--is much harder to dismiss.

When you're time travelling--that is, when you're not present--things like trees blend into the background of your life. They become props in the mind's ongoing drama.

When you're present the label vanishes and the reality behind the label stands out. Liberated from words and concepts it's free to be what it is, which is always more awe-inspiring than our concept of it.

Put simply: when your mind is silent you can actually hear what the world has to say.

It's saying, You're not unhappy because certain things happened to you or because you lack certain things. 

You're unhappy because your thinking gets in the way of your happiness.

I know how fresh that sounds coming from a guy who's routinely accused of over-thinking, but bear with me.

There's a difference between useless, repetitive, or obsessive thought and clear, productive, and purpose-driven thought.

The thinking that gets in the way of your happiness is toxic and unconscious. It's your mind-voice left to its own devices, the untamed horse taking you for a ride.

It's the mind fixating on its own handiwork--the words, concepts, and symbols it uses to artificially divide the universe into bite-sized portions--while ignoring the reason for said handiwork: the goddamn universe itself.

Happiness isn't waiting for you in the future and it isn't rooted in some past event. Happiness is waiting for you right now behind the veil of bullshit you call "reality."

Find it in the little things first and then watch it take over your life.

You Probably Think this Post is About You

I've had a few readers ask me what prompted the marriage counseling post from a few days ago.

More accurately I've had people ask whether the post is about specific people I know in real life.

The answer is, Nope!

I've been wanting to write more about marriage and this is the first thing that popped into my head. Wasn't about anyone in particular.

See I like to illustrate my points with examples in order to make them tangible.

The examples I use are completely fictional unless otherwise stated.

Are they inspired by real events and situations? Most certainly! I use a mixture of past experience, personal observation, and stereotypes to craft my bullshit so it's only natural that I hit the mark once in a while.

I assure you that when I do it's purely by accident.

Apparently I'm accident-prone because this isn't the first time I've had people ask me "Who were you talking about just there?"

For example I had a colleague approach me a few years back and ask me whether this post was about him. Did he inspire me? On some level, sure, but by no means was it about him.

If you suspect a post (or part of a post) is about you it simply means you see yourself or your situation in one of my fictional, overly generalized examples.

Just because a shoe fits doesn't mean it was custom-made for you. Just means your foot happens to be the right size.

So let me say it loud and clear once and for all.

If I don't mention you by name, it's not about you.