Merry Xmas and Thanks for your Support

I don't know what happened. I'm online every day reading the news and trolling on Reddit but somehow I missed the headlines: "Black Plague strikes west coast; anti-vaccine groups to blame."

It's a nasty one, folks. I got hit hard and fast. Almost 2 weeks have passed and I still sound like a baying seal when I cough. And the shit that's coming out of my nose? Disgusting. To make matters worse, I infected my entire family. ‘Tis the season, after all! I shudder to think of all the germs floating around my house, coating every surface like fine dust.

Which is why I didn’t write a post last Friday. It's the first deadline I’ve missed since starting this blog and quite frankly I’m shocked it took me this long to shirk my responsibilities. In my defense I was trying to conserve energy and I didn’t think writing about charity and consumerism was a valid use of my limited stores. Everyone knows it feels good to perform good deeds; everyone knows it’s silly to go into debt over some day which was singled out as special by people who lived 2,000 years ago. That was my post in a nutshell so consider yourself caught up.

Writing about one topic for 8 weeks straight sucked a big one but it did have a few perks. While I was busy torturing myself with Christmas, all these cool ideas for posts started to accumulate in my brain. Starting in January I'll go back to writing two posts a week so I can burn through this backlog. What does this mean?

That's right. It's PEWPEW time

One thing at a time. First I want to wrap up the Christmas talk.

Looking at Christmas through a memetic lens gave me a whole new appreciation for it. Observance of the winter solstice has been a part of human life for over 2,000 years. The idea spread and evolved, assimilating countless other rituals indiscriminately until its original identity was barely recognizable. What we have now—Christmas—is a Frankenstein meme, a clumsy thing marching inexorably forward through the ages, a collage of mismatched ideas stitched together by the thread of human mind and thought.

And that's pretty damn cool! It's a testament not only to the power of our scumbag brains but also to the resilience and adaptability of the solstice meme which rose in ancient Babylon so many centuries ago. That it persists to this day is nothing short of staggering.

If you take anything away from my Christmas rants I hope it will be the notion that we are not slaves to ideas. Tradition requires minds to carry it forward. Those same minds can and should shape tradition as they see fit. Make Christmas your bitch. Celebrate it how you want to celebrate it, not how your parents and their parents celebrated it. Take what you like and throw the rest in the garbage.

My stocking

I like to practice what I preach so this year my family and I decided to customize Christmas. First we laid out some ground rules: no decorations before December 17; no lying to our kids about Santa; no Jesus talk; no Christmas music; and no gifts unless they fit in a stocking.

On the 17th we put up a little tree, strung some lights around it, and hung a few balls. On the 21st, we hosted a solstice potluck for all our close friends. On the 22nd, we hosted a family dinner. Good food, good drinks, and good company.

This change shocked some of my friends and with good cause. I’ve been the Grinch for so long no one expected me to have a tree or decorations, let alone play host to two dinners. What caused this change? In short, it was you.

Knowing that there are people out there reading my stuff is humbling and terrifying and exciting all at once. It motivates me to write in a way I’ve never experienced before. Having an audience, regardless of its size, puts pressure on me. I never would’ve written all those Christmas rants without you, and I never would’ve realized how silly I was being about the whole damn thing. So thanks, friends! I can celebrate Christmas again, and it's all because you bother to read my messy thoughts.

I’ve benefited so much from this blog and I hope that some of you have also benefited, even if only in some small way. The Meme Merchant is my tool for sharing ideas and networking with like-minded people. I want to blow minds and change the way people think about stuff they take for granted. Or better yet, I want to expose people to ideas they've never even considered.

If you’ve enjoyed some of my writing and want to help me out, here’s what you can do: give me constructive feedback. I won't cry, I swear. The things I write about aren't my ideas so I won’t take offense if you disagree. In fact, I encourage you to disagree, to question, to doubt. That means you’re driving and your scumbag brain is in the back seat, far from the steering wheel.

Truly original ideas don’t exist anymore. Everything is built on the scaffolding of past discoveries and revelations. Everything is old news with a new twist. I'm just spreading the ideas that excite me or improve my life or make my brain hurt (in a good way).

So next post, if you have something to contribute, throw some comments on the Facebook page or on the blog itself. But be warned: I don’t feed the trolls.

Like it or not, we're all in this thing together, just a bunch of ants on a grain of galactic sand. 2013 was one hell of a year and I expect nothing less from 2014. Be safe and be good to each other, my friends. I truly appreciate all the support and motivation you've given me.

Merry Christmas,

El Mercante Memo

We are not Immune

For the last decade or so, Canada has watched its closest neighbor, a once-powerful nation founded on principles of secularism, equality, and liberty, self-destruct.

The American people are now ruled by an oligarchy disguised as democracy. This oligarchy is composed of corrupt politicians and the leaders of a few industries--industries that depend on human suffering or the slow destruction of our planet for prosperity. Oil, the prison-industrial complex, pharmaceuticals, law enforcement, tobacco, alcohol, big food, and the military-industrial complex dominate the U.S. government. Their lobbyists steer social policy in directions that benefit their specific interests, even when such policies are to the detriment of the people. Meanwhile the government cuts funding to education and social welfare, tries to sneak internet censorship and copyright infringement laws into the books, and sets up mass-surveillance programs to keep tabs on its disillusioned people.

Violating the privacy of an entire population might be forgivable if such violations resulted in a Utopian society. This has not proven to be the case. While the NSA collects meta-data and eavesdrops on foreign leaders, unemployment is rampant. The American economy is failing. The country is in massive debt.

Democracy is supposed to be a tool for the people; instead, it's been hijacked by a small, short-sighted elite whose sole aim is to enrich itself at any cost.  

We Canadians have been watching the plight of the American people with an attitude of detachment and exceptionalism. Often when I'm ranting about the sorry state of democracy in our country I'm told "It could be a lot worse; look at the U.S.!" This sentiment--that no matter how bad things get for us they will never be as bad as they are in America--has always disturbed me. Just because things are worse elsewhere does not mean we should settle for the sorry state of affairs at home.

Too long have we believed our government immune to the madness which grips its US counterpart. Recent revelations show that Harper and his Conservative government  are using the U.S. as a blueprint. They're getting cozy with the NSA and helping them spy on foreign dignitaries at the expense of Canada's international reputation; trying to sneak in legislation to control the internet through an unrelated bill; attacking unions; muzzling scientists; and pushing for a pipeline that a lot of people do not want. Oh, and they "lost" $3.1 billion dollars.

Sorry, I couldn't help myself

 The media has done a decent job of following these developments. My only complaint is that they  offer no practical solution to these problems. All too often I finish an article enraged, wondering
 "What can I do to help fix this gross injustice?"

Questions like this are too big for my simple mind. They give me panic attacks. The loopholes and flaws that plague our government are linked; they form a network of interdependent problems, and trying to tackle each one individually is futile. In order to resolve these key issues, we need to look at the big picture. We need a group of intelligent people to lead a concerted effort.

I think we may have found them.

A group of over 500 authors from 80 different countries have petitioned the UN, requesting that it pen an international charter to protect the rights of people in the internet age. I admire their bravery. Signing this petition probably put them all on 24 hour surveillance. The NSA is spying on a bunch of people for no reason at all; what do you think they will do when a group of influential people put them on blast?

I urge anyone reading this to sign the petition. You don't even have to leave your house. Click on the link, mash a few buttons, and you're done. These authors have sacrificed their privacy to try and protect ours; the least we can do is sign the damn petition.

Yes, I know this is just a petition. Yes, I know the UN has no real power over the US and British governments. No, I don't think this is the solution. I believe this petition is momentum and potential. By voicing our support we become activists no matter how small our activism. The first steps are the most difficult. Start with something easy and build from there.

Mass-surveillance and internet regulation may very well be the defining issues of the modern age. The powers that be have just begun to grasp the value of the internet as a tool and the damage it could inflict upon their precarious power-structure if left unchecked. The internet is a global network of people. It links like-minded individuals from across the world and facilitates the propagation of ideas. It dissolves the outdated notions of nationalism and individuality and grants unprecedented access to information. It also makes politicians obsolete. Why send some career-politician to represent you in Ottawa or Washington when you could, in theory, view, debate, and vote on bills electronically?

It's no wonder they are trying so hard to regulate and police the internet.

The good news is that they haven't succeeded yet.

In my dreams, this petition gains the support of various free-thinkers, celebrities, tech-company CEO's, enlightened politicians, and rational capitalists; together they create a universal constitution, something that lays out the rights and liberties of all people and outlines a new system of government free of loopholes and glitches; once completed, they go back to their respective nations and promote the adoption of this new constitution until it becomes a reality. 

You may say I'm a dreamer. I hope I'm not the only one.

The elites are counting on us to get confused and say "fuck it." This is how they've steered us--Canadians and Americans both--into the deep end of the pool where we've been floundering ever since. They try to make it as difficult as possible for us to get involved. They've severed the connection between the people and politics. If votes are democratic currency then ours has been devalued beyond recognition. In our current system, your vote is worthless.

Luckily for us  political activism has never been easier. Thousands of like-minded individuals are only a few keystrokes away, as is the wealth of human knowledge. We can reach our elected representatives almost instantly and educate ourselves on key issues without the help of third-parties.

For the first time in history we have the means to govern ourselves in true democratic fashion. The current powers will cling to their authority; they will conspire against us, throw obstacles in our path, even employ nefarious means to silence our mounting complaints. There are significant challenges ahead but I firmly believe the solution is out there, broken up in bits and pieces and scattered across the span of human history and thought. Each one of us is part of the solution.

We need only assemble the pieces.

The Santa Dilemma

My daughter and I are walking home from the park the other day when she asks me: “Is Santa going to visit our house on Christmas?”

Am I a hypocrite if I lie to my daughter about the existence of Santa Claus?

This is the kind of question my childless friends don’t have to ask themselves. As soon as you make a little duplicate of yourself things get complicated. It’s not just the absence of free time or inability to sleep in: there are ethical dilemmas to resolve.

Here are my concerns. Kids start lying early. At first they're not very good at it but it doesn't take them long to become little arch-deceivers. Kids realize on a basic level that lies are tools. The right lie can get you out of trouble or earn you undeserved treats. What's there not to like?  

Toddlers are devious little creatures. They're sponges that absorb good and bad ideas with the same voraciousness. They're mechanics trying to figure out how the world works, or more specifically, how they can make it work for them. “If I say this, my parents get mad. What if I say that instead?” They don't lie out of malice or for pleasure: they're pushing buttons and pulling levers in order to see how best to get the desired results. In a way it's amazing to watch. In another way, it's infuriating.

All the parents I know try to stop their kids from lying and I’m no exception. My wife and I have spent much time teaching our daughter the pitfalls of chronic dishonesty. I think the message is starting to sink in but one can never be sure. Maybe she’s come to realize that the consequences of lying outweigh the benefits, or maybe she’s just getting really good at lying and I can’t tell the difference anymore.

At face value, the answer is clear: dishonesty is bad; we try hard to instill honesty in our children; hence lying to our children is bad. This is an over-simplification, of course. Actions alone cannot be intrinsically good or bad. It's all about context. We praise killers and traitors if the circumstances are right; maybe it's the same thing with Santa Claus.

Does convincing my daughter (or letting her believe) that a fat guy in a red suit delivers presents to all the good children in the world provide some benefit that cannot be reproduced through alternative means?

I asked some people why they think parents tell their kids Santa is a real dude. Comments varied but most of them touched on one of two things:

Santa Claus elicits wonder, joy, and excitement in children.

No denying this one. Kids go crazy for the spectacle of Santa Claus. I do wonder whether, in some cases, the disappointment of learning the truth doesn’t outweigh the joy and all that. I know my reaction to the big revelation wasn't bad. I still remember thinking to myself, "As long as the presents keep coming every year, what do I care?"

Only child here. Can you tell?

Santa Claus teaches children about charity, that is giving without expectation for reciprocation.

This one is slippery. I get where people are coming from. Santa works tirelessly all year making toys for all the good kids; then, on Christmas Eve, he puts in a bunch of over-time delivering the fruits of his labor. The kicker? He does it pro bono, out of the goodness of his heart.

That is the very definition of charity.

Unfortunately, children are on the wrong end of this lesson. They learn that it feels nice when nice people do nice things without expecting anything in return. I think I can teach my daughter that lesson without resorting to deception, thank you very much.

In fact, the only people who learn about charity via Santa Claus are the parents. They’re the ones who stand in crowded malls and spend their hard-earned money. They do all the work and give credit to a long-dead, quasi-historical figure, receiving no appreciation for their troubles.

A third function

Make no mistake about it: lying is a tool for adults as well as children. We lie to make people happy, cast ourselves in a favorable light, or spare someone’s feelings. Our intentions might be pure but, since we all agree dishonesty is generally bad, shouldn’t we seek alternative ways of producing the desired result?

Case in point: a mere mention of the Naughty List is enough to curb a toddler's public tantrum or make collard greens disappear in his mouth. It’s the little red button parents get to push when a situation gets to Defcon 5. You can do things the hard way--work toward peace through diplomacy--or you can push the red button and bring peace to any region instantly via nuclear winter. The intention—to bring about peace—is a noble one but I’m sure you’ll agree that dropping nukes to establish peace doesn’t make much sense. Well, lying to establish good behavior is roughly the same thing.

Back to my daughter’s question. Caught off-guard, I’m forced to make a snap-decision. In my best fatherly voice I tell her, “Honey, Santa Claus is like Dora the Explorer and the Magic School Bus: he's just a story and he's not real. But,” I continue, ”a lot of kids believe he’s real and it wouldn’t be nice to spoil the surprise for them. So even though you know the truth, you shouldn’t tell other kids.”

I congratulate myself for handling it so well and forget the whole thing even happened.

Until I come home a week later. My daughter is extremely excited. “Daddy daddy daddy!” she says as I step through the door. “I saw Santa Claus today.” She frowns, remembering something. Her tone gets dark. “You said he wasn’t real. You lied to me.”

“He isn’t real!” I say defensively.

“But I saw him. He was at the mall.”

I open my mouth. I’m about to tell her that there’s a Santa at every mall, that people get paid to pretend, and then I stop. I was so worried about honesty and being ethical and teaching my kid the right lesson, and what did it get me? I tell her the truth and get called a liar for it.

I guess the truth is pretty flexible when you're 3-years old.