Saturday, May 23, 2015

Pipes, Condoms, and Car Accidents: The Jon "Bones" Jones Story

Question: How do you beat the most dominant fighter in the world?

Answer: You don't. You just let him beat himself.

It's been apparent for a while now that the greatest challenge facing Jon "Bones" Jones, his most daunting opponent, is none other than himself.

Aside from losing a round or two to Machida, struggling with Gustafson, and being disqualified for illegal strikes (in a fight he was dominating), I've never seen Jones in trouble inside the octagon.

Outside is a different story.

If memory serves me right there was a DUI a while back. And more recently he tested positive for nose-candy followed by a Rob Ford-esque stint in rehab.

And now there's this hit and run situation.

It's sad to see the champ defeat himself, but in a way it's fitting. I certainly don't think Rumble Johnson was going to dethrone him tonight. Personally I wanted to see Gus take another stab at solving the Jones enigma since, in my opinion, he came closest to beating him.

None of that matters. We know who had Jon Jones' number the entire time: Jon Jones.

It's not the first time a prizefighter has been his own worst enemy. Some of the greatest of all time ended up defeating themselves where no opponent could.

Now  Jones has been stripped of the title and suspended, to say nothing of the pending criminal charges against him. Will we see Jones in the octagon again? Probably. Hopefully we'll see someone more humble and sportsmanlike.

Who knows? Maybe he'll even stop poking opponents in their eyeballs.

Speculation aside, I find it extremely interesting that the article linked above discusses the contents of Jones' rental vehicle. I'm not sure why it's noteworthy--the fact that he ditched the car and ran after smashing into a pregnant lady is news enough--but they decided to air it out anyway.

And I'm glad. Aside from shedding even more light on Jones' suspect character, it inspired me to come up with a title for his inevitable biopic.

If they ever make a movie about Jones' life, I hope to God they call it "Pipes, Condoms, and Car Accidents: The Jon Jones Story."


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